In an unexpected announcement earlier this week my husband and partner-in-mess stated that he will be taking a 22 day break from Facebook. Because we recognize the personal angst and interruption to daily life that this will cause to you, his followers, we have created a FAQ section of The Mess to address a few of these issues.
What brought this on? I mean, is he dying or something?
Technically, we’re all born dying. Deep, I know.
No, Dan isn’t dying, nor is he trying to reach a state of nirvana or some spiritual high note. He just realized that his phone, Ipad, and computer have created some unhealthy habits. The other day Andrew started crawling and Dan literally pushed him over so he could get his phone out and take video to post. In an attempt to take a selfie while snow blowing the driveway Dan accidentally ran over Mr. Fluffykins, the neighborhood stray cat.* It’s bad folks.
Will I still be able to receive real time social media updates of publicly televised sporting events?
Most definitely! But they won’t be from Dan. He will no longer be furiously typing after bad calls or great plays. He’s goin’ old school, folks – yelling at the TV, throwing the remote at an arbitrary spot on the floor, and fine tuning his touch down dance. As an added bonus,he will now be able to eat foods deemed incompatible with touch screen technology. Sunday evening BBQ wings here we come!
Each weekend Dan posts pictures of the stage at PLC. Without him on FB, how will I know what the set looks like?
I feel your pain. Did you know you can view the actual set from which the pictures originate?! All you have to do is attend a weekend service. What? You can’t make it because [insert excuse]? Such a shame! And by that I mean it’s a shame that there really isn’t an excuse. Watch online during the service, or watch the video the following week.
If those options aren’t suitable for your needs, you can always find a church with a service time that works for you. While you’re there, do Dan a favor; sneak into their tech booth and post of picture of their set and their sound board. Be sure to filter the picture (toaster is Dan’s fav) and tag Dan so he knows what he missed while he was gone.
Who will tell me how many squats or push-ups he did or how many sets of stairs he ran?
Good question. I have no idea. But I do know it won’t be me, because as my last post clearly states, I am not coherent in the morning until I’ve had 2 cups of coffee. Each morning Dan tells me what they did for a workout. While I’m always impressed, it also always sounds unpleasant, if not painful.
How will I know what type of weather related phenomenon is happening just outside of my door?
I mean, how WILL you find this information out? If you’d like to know what our junipers look like all snow covered, or during a storm, or sunrise we’d love to have you over for lunch, or supper, or coffee, or even just because.
Annie, will you periodically post obnoxious updates on Dan’s wall in his place and not tell him until just before he comes back?
Glad you asked, friend. You know me so well. Yes. Yes I will.
Author’s Note: This was written in good humor. Dan not only gave his consent but helped write it. While he likes his Facebook family, he loves his real family more and wanted to make sure our kids know it. Sounds a bit silly out loud, but ask yourself who you’ve spent more time with today – your Facebook friends or your real friends and family. Did you interrupt a face to face conversation to read a status you’re tagged in, like a comment, or post a picture of the coffee you’re sharing with the actual person who is right in front of you? Just a thought, but you may want to join Dan in re-prioritizing and starting off 2014 right.
* No babies or cats were harmed in the making of this satire.